Stepping into one’s truth…
I’d heard the term many times and thought that that was what I was doing. I hadn’t actually realised that I wasn’t living authentically because I was playing it safe.
I was living my truth at home by myself where no-one could see me, but when I stepped out of my sanctuary or posted anything online, I was holding back who I was to save myself from judgement. It was no wonder my business wasn’t attracting the numbers I was hoping for to make my passion a living. I had this incredible yearning to teach, but everything I tried to teach was through my ‘safe’ filter. I was writing for people I thought might judge me or not believe what I was saying. Now that this limiting behaviour has shown itself to me, I have only one option available to me if I want to step up and truly do what I am here to do…’Step into my Truth’.
Let’s take a little trip back to yesterday and what set this train of thought off. I got made redundant 4 months ago and have been busy working through some awesome business and spiritual courses. I kept getting to a point that no matter how much planning and thought I put into my business, I kept hitting a wall and realised I was going round in circles. I was feeling really confused by it all and wanted to understand what my block was. So I went to my forest where I normally hang out, ask questions and get guidance. I lay down next to a tree in the sun and asked ‘What are my next steps in my business? I trust that the universe has a better plan for me than what I think I am meant to be doing. Show me where I am needed most. Where can I best be of service?’ Then I emptied my mind of all the thoughts that were making me tense and just allowed and trusted that I would receive the guidance I needed. This is what Gabby Bernstein has mentioned a few times about getting out of your own way and letting the universe be your guide. It’s not about you, it’s about where you can serve best.
Then there was the lightbulb moment…
Not the most spiritual message that I was anticipating, but a message nonetheless. The message was ‘learn your niche’. This made complete sense to me as all the courses I was doing really emphasised the importance of this. When you realise what your talents are, what you are passionate about and who you want to help, you find your niche and this is critical in your business. This is exactly where I kept getting stuck. I thought I was being honest in my answers, but I had so may passions and talents and wanted to help EVERYONE. Well, you can’t help everyone and it is something so many of us get stuck on.
So I did some more research into finding your niche and came across a great article from Entrepreneur HERE. I had done this time and time again, but something stood out this time. I had the word Shamanism written down more times than anything else. I felt that because my business was called Spirit Stone, that I had to have everything about Stones and I was playing it safe by not going into my Shamanic experiences in fear of judgement and ridicule. I mean come on, I am a single white female who has just come out of working in an office job as a Personal Assistant. Who was I to suddenly claim to be a Shaman? I had kept that part of me pretty much a secret for years. No-one knew that I had been studying and practicing extensively behind the scenes over the years. I had my degree in Western Herbal Medicine, studied most of a Masters of Chinese Herbal Medicine, I had completed Crystal Healing and Shamanic courses and done my prac work, I had worked through the Celtic Lunar Tree Calendar and Celtic Wheel of Life religiously through the years, endured the many emotional, physical and spiritual trials necessary to understand how to guide one through life, journeyed to otherworlds that have been the most profound experiences I’ve ever had, received (or more so remembered) my Shaman name, but for all that, I was hung up on how others would perceive me because I had not studied under a Shaman.
This is a new age of living and the internet has opened up a sharing of knowledge that has never been seen on this planet. Where once we studied under masters, now we can go to Uni and learn so many topics from all different cultures from all manner of masters in their field. We have knowledge available to us online and books on any topic you can think of on our iPads. This knowledge is now combining to shed new light and give more understanding on the way we live and who we are as a species than ever before. So because I was buying into the perceived idea of how I should have been taught, I had undeniably allowed myself to hide the most authentic part of myself from the world.
I had always known that this was my path and didn’t feel the need to label myself to get validation from others. I thought that if I knew what I was, that was all that mattered. But it dawned on me that by doing that, I was one person at home and another when I stepped outside. I didn’t need to own a label for validation, I needed to be confident stepping out in my truth. Stop tip-toeing around the edges and filtering everything I say, trying to anticipate what others may or may not believe. It wasn’t a badge of honour, it was me just expressing who I really am inside and out.
I also sought to ask the question around whether it was ok to label yourself as a Shaman from a beautiful Shaman I have been following on Instagram and Facebook for some time, Shaman Durek. I sent him a message in hope of a response, but knowing full well it might not happen as I’m sure he gets hundreds of messages and he would be a busy man! To my surprise he responded within half an hour with a few voice messages!! His last response was:
‘If you feel that your life is dedicated to being a Shaman and that you are going to uphold the core energy of being a Shaman; that is to preserve life and to preserve people and to always be a child and be a kid and be open to the messages of spirit and to create new symbols of energies and new forms to the planet and to be a messenger for the ancestors and to not pollute your body and be a person who is operating from a place of love and playfulness to all people, then by all means call yourself a Shaman…absolutely my love.’Shaman Durek
When all this finally clicked, I stood in disbelief and the tears flowed. It was one of those life changing moments. I couldn’t believe that this had remained hidden for so long. I was finally stepping out of my old life and becoming who I was always meant to be. Even as I type this, I have tears of joy in my eyes as I know this has been what’s been blocking the beautiful energies that I work with from fully coming through.
Then the most beautiful thing happened…
The floodgates opened and all my business planning flowed out of me. I couldn’t keep up with all the information I realised I had to write about! All the pieces of the puzzle were now in place and I knew that this is what it feels like to step into your power and step aside and let the universe do it’s work. I was so stuck on trying to work out how I could best be of service, that I hadn’t trusted the energies that I had constantly asked for guidance from, were ready and waiting for me to get out of the way.
I personally believe that Shamans are reincarnating this lifetime into mainstream western society because there is an obvious need. There is a disconnect from the knowledge that used to be handed down from generation to generation and the old ways have not integrated into much of today’s way of thinking and being. We are becoming more and more separate from the natural world and you only have to look at the horrendous environmental crimes happening around the planet to gauge where we are at with this and how that is working out for us.
There is a difference between using Shamanistic techniques and being a Shaman and this is where some of the confusion comes in. You can utilise these techniques in your healing sessions, but it doesn’t mean that you are a Shaman and there are many people who claim to be a Shaman that are doing just that. When you know you are one, you without doubt know that you are and for me that was all I thought I needed. I was shying away from being caught up in the controversy. I know that I am only just beginning on the path this lifetime. I understand the extent of the learning still to come and this is exciting. I don’t claim to know everything and I allow myself the freedom also of this not knowing. However it is time for me to start sharing the knowledge I do have in the hope that others may learn and grow in the way it has helped me.
The Shaman’s job has always been one of ‘bridging the gap’ between worlds. They are seen to have one foot in both worlds and in today’s way of life, this bridging the gap is happening on many different levels. Just like a clairvoyant may communicate with spirits who have passed over, a Shaman may communicate to plant spirits or nature spirits in a similar way. Remember that everything is energy, everything is a vibration or specific frequency and it is just a matter of tuning into that specific frequency and understanding the language to understand the message. This bridging the gap for me is about making how it all works easy to understand for others. When we can see the logic behind things and gain a better understanding, we are more inclined to believe it. This is how western thought normally works. For me, I needed to work in a corporate environment first, so I could understand the language of the corporate world and be able to use that language to make the unseen world a bit more logical and believable.
So here it starts. My new journey. One that I hope you will come along too. A new way of life is opening up before us. – much love Nicola x